


if i unfinish the sentence in my head

by dramaticgasp



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Headcanon, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, USC Trojans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:27:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21535186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dramaticgasp/pseuds/dramaticgasp
Summary: ''I'm gonna go,'' Jean says.''You didn't say anything.''
Relationships: Jeremy Knox & Jean Moreau, Jeremy Knox/Jean Moreau
Comments: 14
Kudos: 29





	if i unfinish the sentence in my head

(Which part of a story makes you stop listening?)

The pub is busy. Jean came with Sarah, but they sat with others and now Sarah has started talking about last night. He folds his jacket over his legs.

''How has your Wednesday been?'' someone asks.

He knows this person visually. He wouldn't say _to know someone_ when the only thing they've shared has been _hi how are you_. Non-person-specific. He listens to his answer-thoughts splashing around his head.

''Okay,'' he says. Chews on it. ''I got a shit grade. I—'' _went to discuss my feedback and they told me not to care because it's only five percent of the final grade, showered for too long because I feel like I can distinctly tell each thin jet of water apart and that can't be possible. Stood at the entrance of the court in the dark for a while, because large empty spaces feel like a break in the linear flow of time, especially in the dark. But this question is not person-specific. It's just accessible. You'd take anything for an answer._ ''I had a training.''

He starts looking in a different direction and the person starts talking to somebody else. Yeah. His answer was accepted. Which makes sense. Yeah. It's fucking stupid to take others' acceptance that way, the way he does. But here he is.

_I smell like oranges. Oh. Why? I ate some this afternoon._ Sarah and Maia are still talking about the guy they both tried flirting with yesterday.

Jean traces the veins of his hand. Watches the green light glint in the glass of a picture frame.

Watches the surface of a drink in a wine glass waver. There's a beer glass between some eyeglasses' handles and it looks like a beer face. His observations are occurring slowly because he fully outlines them in his head. There's a framed signed sports t-shirt, but Jean doesn't follow sports aside from exy.

''I'm gonna go,'' Jean says.

He has absorbed the situation. Imprinted some situational molecules into his own biomolecules. Didn't talk, watched red and black shadows on the floor. Now he is ripe and ready to go.

''What?'' Sarah looks surprised. ''Jean. You could've said something.''

But he didn't need to. He had an internal experience, were on all the wavelengths others weren't on, noted that structuralism of a situation feels like an almost-dried sticky drop on a table. Now: ripe and ready to go.

''It's fine, I'm just. Not feeling it. I'm tired.''

''Okay,'' Sarah says, slowly, so that it's _o-kay_. ''Are you sure? You didn't say anything.''

_O-kay_. Going with it. Jean has mixed feelings about that. People respect not wanting to talk but he doesn't know about that. Maybe others' expectations can propel you somewhere.

His mind is hazy and pulsating. His inwardness is taking all the space inside him.

The night-air hits his face. He wonders if someone will come after him, consistently dramatic with how he created something that others can interpret as dramatic.

He puts his headphones on. He doesn't know where he's walking, but he turns into the street above which Christmas lights are spread. The song is his ear is saying: _how can I sleep in the wake of your bad mood?_

It's like Jeremy's situation about Jean. Isn't it. But Jean doesn't actually know. Because Jeremy can be both animated and worried, and they've been communicating in words that seem larger than thought sometimes, and it's confusing. These things can be misread in so many ways.

He leans against the waist-high stone wall by an abandoned garden, strange, considering it's so central. It's his favorite, and he always just walks by.

Yeah: no situation is inherently anything, because its basis can be used in interesting ways. But he's believed that for a long time. But sometimes you don't know what the exchange currency is.

He opens the chat with Jeremy. He knows where he's going.

Sent 23:19  
_the swings_

Sent 23:19  
_now_

He thinks back at his thoughts: _no._

Jeremy has seen the message. Jean is just standing there with his inwardness all intense. And people just walk by, which makes sense, but he's – existing inside of himself so loudly.

Received 23:21  
_what is it that it is_

Sent 23:23  
_innovative_

Jean is smiling but leaves the message's skin bare. It's a habit. Its a hue of their relationship that none of them has attempted saturating. Jeremy has started mirroring Jean's writing, and this is where they are.

It wasn't a yes. 

Received 23:25  
_arent you with sarah_

Why does he know?

Sent 23:25  
_no. It's an offer, not a request_

He's echoing words that weren't his and wonders whether Jeremy will recognize it. He won't ever know, probably. 

Received 23:26  
_That's nice_

Received 23:26  
_I only take responsibility for myself_

__

__No, you don't._ _

__

Sent 23:26  
_me too_

__

Received 23: 29  
_You are being very directional_

__

__

__

The song in his ears is saying: easy now your time is moving slowly. Erase yourself. 

  


Sarah once said that she doesn't go parallelly with life, that she crosses it, curving around it and creating countless meeting points. At what angle are you with life? 

  


Sent 23:33  
_Im looking for my ball_

  


It's a joke for himself. _Perdre la boule_ , to lose one's head. Funny. 

__

But fuck yeah, he might not be feeling it, but he's feeling that he has things to construct. He's fucking ready. 

  


**Author's Note:**

> i said hurt&comfort and Jean was his own comfort
> 
> Bon Appetit, i say, offering some semi-comprehensible writing
> 
> do you live in st andrews? what if you're in my film studies class


End file.
